I can’t seem to express what I have inside, and it seems that I will never be able to prove that all the love and the care, which you have seen, was a very small portion of what I have within my heart…

It is so hard for me to let you know that, and feel it, as everything is vague and confusing inside me… How can I hand on all the mixed emotions that you make me feel, and after that make you feel them in return?...

 Yes… mixed emotions…

 you make me feel weak, since all I want to do is to give up everything, and change the human being that I am, because I want to be all what you want me to be… but yet you make me feel strong, because I know that you are where I want you to be, right here, by my side…

With all the love that you surrounded me, you brought joy and happiness to my life… but yet, brought misery and anxiety, since all I am worried about is to wake up one day and find you in another time.. Another place.. Somewhere else… Not there by my side anymore…

I love you because it’s you…because you rocked my world once and for all… because you make me laugh… because you make me cry… because you brought hope to my life… because you brought despair to my mind… I know that I love… with all my heart… and I know for sure that I hate you…because you waked up the crazy woman that was concealed inside me…because you made me wonder about you and me all day long … because you brought fretfulness to my sleepless nights… I hate you…because I was fine without you, as I had nothing to worry about.. I had Nothing to feel responsible for.. I had Nothing to mend because the coldness that folded my heart protected me from being crashed… protected me from every possible heart break… I hate you for melting the iciness that covered my life, and exposed me to a possible hurt… and you made my heart subjected to a probable healing process afterwards…  I hate you… because I simply love you…

Your presence in my life made the impossible possible, you simply blended my feelings and their contraries in a logical and homogonous way….. For reasons I don’t know and I am not sure of… But all I can assure you is that, those fanatical and eccentric mixtures were what I have been longing for… all my entire life…

Yes, you twisted my mind and made my world go around in circles … with no end… but … All I know is that you made every breath I gasped worth it…

I don’t know where the life is going to take us… and I don’t know if destiny is going to be our best friend or worst enemy… But all I know for sure is that, the beats of our hearts will always keep beating at the same rhythm… because there is only one unique rhythm for the unique two… and my rhythm simply have found yours…

No matter where I am… No matter where you are…The phantom of your presence will always hunt me and keep my life so real… whatever I was doing and will do…I know that I will always be blessed… because once upon a memory… I was blessed by you and because of you…

I dunno but it tickled a dream that I have always had since I was a little girl, and thought about sharing it with everybody else…

So, MY WILDEST DREAM IS…

I want to be an Academy Award-winning (Oscar) screenwriter :D

It can’t get any wilder than that!!!... :D

PS. LAUGHES …GIGGLES … SMILES… AND ANYTHING RELATED TO “TEETH SHOWING” METHODS ISNT ALLOWED AFTER READING THIS POST!!! J

I have always wondered where is love… why it couldn’t find me… why when it found me it decided to flip away in a glance … why when it flipped away I decided that I want to try again… why when I decided to try again, Love couldn’t find me…

This issue keeps me wondering all day long, specially that I have everything anyone could ever want or need. I have a great family and great friends. I am also educated, I have a new good job which I am starting to enjoy from the bottom of my heart, I can afford doing whatever I like, and I am always willing to go through new life experiences, and last but not least, I know that I am survivor. Although I have my break downs but they aren’t many. They are just phases which I go through in order to maintain the balance and then I stand up and move on.

After thinking deeply about it, I discovered that it isn’t that I need love as a feeling. It is the sense of belonging. The sense of “being someone to someone”. The Sense of “being seen”.

When I reached to that point, I felt that I have been so unfair to the things that I have, and knew that I underestimated the impact of having my loved ones in my life.

I belong to them. And they belong to me, and this is what love really is, because at the end, Love isn’t all the complicated emotions that you have when you see someone whom you are attracted to. Because with time, these emotions will start fading and will be replaced with other types of emotions…comfort, relive, getting used to …..

Love is knowing that you are in deep shit but don’t simply give a damn wooden cent for it because the sense of belonging will lead you to a shoulder which you can lay your head on and simply know that everything is alright.  So, it doesn’t need a special person to make you feel this way. It doesn’t need the presence of someone who chases you in your dreams.

This sense of belonging can be found everywhere. It is in the shining look of an orphan when someone cares, it is in a work that you like, it is in great friends that stick by your side, it is in the eyes of your parents, and it is in the family that you create. It is everywhere ….  

So… for me it so unfair to search for love from one perspective only… Yes, I know many will say that we want to build new families, we want more than that… to those who say that, your belonging is imprinted in the picture of home, of kids, of a partner… but it will never be the only source of love that surrounds you… So build that base which will help you stand with your head raised high… and then, it’s never so bad to dream for more…

So, After all, searching for love is so peculiar… so strange  … since you can find it everywhere around you… in many shapes and many forms… and these "loves" will always be a blessing you'll never know, unless you open your heart and soul for "them"...

Wonders and the caller tagged me!!!!! God, I have always loved the tag thingy =)

Here are the 6 things everybody should learn before they turn 18:

1- Don’t distinguish the person you are by looking through the eyes of others. The true person whom you want to be and who is actually “you” lays within your heart and your soul. People can underestimate or overestimate you, you are the only one who is capable of knowing your potentials, your true self, your passion, you strength and weaknesses and all that. Don’t wait for others’ flatters and compliments, and don’t be downhearted and inoperative just because someone felt like criticizing you (even if you felt it is right). Be strong, and be confident.

2- Be real, by all it means.  Don’t paint your face, don’t try to be someone whom you are not, don’t make up stories to please people.

3- Don’t change for anyone, especially the loved ones. Someone out there will appreciate you for who you are.

4- Put a plan all together, work for it. AND try to have a backup plan if things go wrong. In other words, have a purpose. Your life will be easier if you know where you are heading.

5- Write the things you want to do in your life down      , and read them every year on your birthday. This will always let you know how close you are to your dreams, how far, and how you are going to achieve them.

6- Let the love and the care of your family be the center of your attention. Love them back. I am writing this because of specific incident that had happened a couple of days ago. I know someone who has a great family, but searching for the love and attention outside, and is insecure for reasons I don’t know. Trust me, love always starts with the nearest circle, and then it grows outside. When you have a solid base, you will always know how to act when disappointments happen outside, you will never overreact. You will stand for a minute, think, get over it, and move on.

Well… That’s all for now =) I felt like writing more, but a rule is a rule after all..

Thanks wonders and the caller =)

I don’t know, but I thought that it’s easy to run away and ignore how I am feeling regarding everything around me… and me…

I kept myself busy with work and people… My schedule was going to work in the morning, hanging out with friends in the evening, and then go home exhausted and fall asleep in a minute or two (My family hated me for that!)… this is exactly what was happening in the past five months… it wasn’t my life actually… there was no input whatsoever… I didn’t grow mentally and/or emotionally.. all I have done is work and then laugh over meaningless things! I mean, what a life is that? I lost the “good balance”, which helps any individual in the world to do everything, and grow… I have forgotten all my good friends, and kept hanging out only with friends who made me laugh my heart out… I was so numb…

The problem is that, I didn’t know that I am feeling the way I am… till today…

Unfortunately Valentine’s Day brings hurtful memories that I want to get away from… I really tried to ignore the fact which says that “today is valentine”… I promised myself that I will block the complicated emotions that I have… and I kept telling myself that my gift will be watching the humorous movie which my friend told me about…

I kept blocking all the tears inside, and didn’t allow myself to feel the pain… till this moment… and now, all I am trying to do is not to let a human being see the huge rounded circles that are surrounding my eyes… and my Santa nose…